Friday, July 12, 2013

The Dirty 30

I stumbled upon this list of fun Dirty 30 facts, courtesy of Jaclyn. P.S. My dear, you're actin' like me and slackin' on your postin'.
1. You get carded, and your first instinct is, “AWESOME.”
 I don't get carded. Maybe it's the omnipresent beard.
2. Instead of drunken party photos, your Facebook friends are all about the baby pics.
3. …and marathon times.
 I try to cut down on my FB time because of this nonsense.
4. You get super excited when you go to a concert and there are SEATS.
5. You start a story with “when I was in college” and realize that was 10 years ago.
6. When you watch teen movies/TV shows, you find yourself siding more with the parents than the kids.
7. You’ve gone to a bar and left because it was too loud.
I rarely go to the bar unless I'm workin'.
8. You have 10,000 business cards from old jobs that you have no idea what to do with.
9. You’ve become a sunscreen nazi.
Nope. I look forward to my spring beater burn.
10. You find cool celebs who are in their early thirties and think, There’s still hope.
11. You’re getting increasingly scared to check your credit score.
My credit score's just fine, thankyouverymuch.
12. You’re seriously thinking about getting a dog. No, having a baby. No, definitely getting a dog.
In my family, they show up about the same time. Every kid needs a good dog.
13. You’d rather pay a little more for a “nice, clean” hotel room than cram into a hostel with 12 of your friends.
14. Everything cool is being marketed to people younger than you now.
15. You’ve definitely lost the enzyme that lets you digest Taco Bell.
16. There’s an increasing number of musical artists you haven’t even heard of.
17. Every night you’re like:

30 Signs You're Almost 30
18. You’ve experienced the dreaded TWO-DAY hangover.
19. You realize your parents were your age (or younger!) when they had you, and you start cutting them some major slack.
My folks had two of us knocked out well before my age. My second uncle by marriage, who's one of the owners of the farm I work at, reminds me regularly that he had a pair of kids by his 23rd birthday.
20. Running hurts your knees. The elliptical hurts your knees. Everything hurts.
Too many years of contact sports. This ain't a new thing that came with 30.
21. Teen slang makes you viscerally angry.
Sweet Jesus. CenTexTim knows what I'm talkin' about. Hearin' these little bastards talk makes me want to stab kittens. Text messagin' has ruined the English language.
22. You start buying shoes based on “comfort.”
23. An 11-year-old has to show you how to do something on your smartphone.
Not quite. I one of them thar high-tech rednecks.
24. Weekend nights: Instead of having two drinks at four different bars, you have two drinks at one bar then go home.
Brings to mind that Toby Keith song. I ain't as good as I once was...
25. You voluntarily buy the “fiber” cereal.
26. You get really excited about lame stuff, like low interest rates.

27. You wonder, seriously, how you ever pulled an all-nighter.
Still do this regularly, unfortunately.
28. You’ve uttered the phrase, “I’m too old for music festivals.”
29. You’ve graduated from Ikea to West Elm.
30. You have been to a party where at least two of your friends brought their babies.
 Funny how that works.

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