Long story short, a couple little teenage shitstains tried to rob and beat up a 65-year-old man on a rail trail in Eastern PA. He was able to defend himself against this assualt, as any good American should. You can read the whole story here.
The tragedy is that he didn't whack all three of 'em.
Cheers to you, sir!
I thought of CenTexTim as soon as I read this. I know he'll be pleased.
*Update with picture.... too good not to share!